It was almost like there was nothing that I could accomplish that would be enough. I wasn't fulfilled and I yet I was exhausted from the perfectionistic climbing and striving to live up to the expectations of myself and others. I had pleased, performed and perfected my way into a corner I didn't know how to get out of. Funny thing was, I fought like hell to get there! But I started to feel like I was running a marathon I would never end. And yet... I still wanted more.
And yet... if you know my story, you know it isn't that simple. It wasn't just about my career or how much money I wanted to accumulate. In my case, the pleasing, performing and perfecting ran my entire life. And while it seemed to serve me in my career, my personal relationships were a hot mess. So much so, I ended up broke and homeless... twice! That second time, I honestly thought I wouldn't survive the abuse and when I did, I feared I couldn't survive the aftermath of losing everything, including my retirement funds. Starting over at forty-something didn't seem achievable.
After a very hard 18 months, I took the years therapy, research, reading and coaching - and I dug deep to do the inner-work. And here, I'd like to say that this does not translate to swimming around in the past! What I did was befriend my inner-supervillain and learn to truly embrace all of myself - and then be all of myself. After so much struggling, I found a path that allowed me to enjoy a peace of being that I had never known. I have stepped into myself. And you can too!
To be clear, this doesn't mean I lead a perfect life full of unicorns and rainbows; shit still happens. But now I handle it very differently. I experience resilience in a way I never thought I could. Usually (but by no means always), it's with laughter.
Years of research and study have helped me build a Science meets Spirit program I call: Wild Unapologetic You.